I just couldnt help myself

Its been a while since ive written as ive been going through some interesting stuff on the home front...  I know i really shouldnt air my oublic life but ive now reached my tolerance level.
Mr D and i have been having a rough time fueled by lack of sleep and my apparent unrealistic expectations.
We have always had a great relationship, never fought, never argue... we talk things out... i dont know how to broach this topic without sounding like a jelous female though....
Our sex life has somewhat diminished as we have two kids under the age of 3, i keep trying but it seems like he isnt interested... ive told him ill dress up for him (these things have to be pre-arranged)and he still rathers go in for a wank... that hurts but isnt the worst...
We finally got to spend some quality adult time together last night... It was great! we watched a movie, talked and ...well... we're all adults here ....made the beast with two backs (LOL)
I am on morning shift today (obviously, theres no other reason id be up @5am if i wasnt)
The problem here is that when i jumped on the computer to check my emails, it was still on the 'suicide girls" website...
(for thosse who arent aware what this is, its naked chicks with tattoos adn provocative poses. sometimes they have news stories with the photos...)
Mr D had come out of the bedroom last night after having sex with me, and has continued to look at naked pics of girls... this REALLY hurts... AM i seriously THAT fucking revolting?
(I APOLOGISE NOW AS REST OF POST WILL HAVE MUCH SWEARING!)
HAVE I SERIOUSLY BECOME THAAT WOMAN? iM NOT QUITE GOOD ENOUGH TO SATISFY (I KNOW HE CAME... MUST HAVE NEEDED MORE THOUGH)
It makes me feel dirty, unwanted, disgusting and like a failure... I thought he had a good time last night... i dont know how to deal with this anymore...
Mr D slept through easter cos he went out drinking the night before, didnt get anyone anything (he brought some small cadbury eggs home from work for Miss A)
Then spent the next two days organising and playing a role playing game. No probs with the fact i spent no time with him on the long weekend, not even a problem with his mates staying till midnight monday night after arriving at 9am... I have a problem with my confidence... I am a size 6-8, but i have no tits, ivce never been blessed with small legs and i have body issues as it is... thanks for making them worse...
Really... thanks... 
(sorry for rambling and bitching on here but i needed to vent somewhere, my friends have had enough of me...)

the time it takes...

So, again, it has been too long and i apologise... The truth is, ive just been lazy, i have opened up this page god knows how many times and i still hadnt thought of anything really interesting to write... I still dont know what is interesting or not in the world anymore as my entire world revolves around my family... Well kinda.

Had a good weekend which involved a dinner party on Saturday night which was great. got the kids together and a bunch of old mates, ate, drank and played around. Was great to have a chance to be someone other than mummy for a change!
On sunday Mr D's family had a lunch at an all you can eat restraunt. (They must have seen all the kids coming, they put us in the VIP room! ba ha ha ha!)
Other than that i really didnt do much unless you guys wanna read about how often i cleaned my house this weekend (the amount of times i stood on lego was utterly fucked a pain in the ass ridiculous.

The truth be told, im just lil ol'me, with my cute little kids, and my amazing not so lil partner! I really wish i had more interesting things to say...
I told you guys a while ago that i was having an honesty week... well THAT went interesting.. I never knew my friends were so interested in me. I mean really. I expected a few. On facebook i had over 60 questions inboxed to me (Imagine my heart attack when i logged in and saw i had 42 new MSG's. Dear lord, have you nothing better to do with your time? Ba hahaha.
Here are my top rated.

1. how old were you when you started smoking?   A:  Im smoking? SHIIIITTTTT...... im on fire! :P (No really, i was either 11 or 12...
2. What is your biggest dream in life?     A: to raise my kids to be well adjusted and good people, when it comes down to it, i dont care about if they become doctors or lawyers. i just want them to lead a happy respectful productive life.
3. What really "grinds your gears"?    A:   seeing kids that arent looked after, prima donnas, attention seekers... and people on fb that constantly whinge about life. i mean, yeah we get it... lifes hard, but really? you are 15 living with mummy and daddy rich as hell and have no responsibilities... GET OVER YOURSELF!
4. How often do you swear?   A: I try not to as Miss A tends to repeat everything i say... but have been caught out cutting myself off... but my replacement swear words are great, Kerfuffle, Oink, and my new fav insult is tosser, cos Miss A can reapeat that and as long as it isnt aimed at someone, im happy!
5. Is sex important?    A: well obviously it holds some important part in a relationship but i think if a relationship can survive without it happily and not have any bad repurcussions, its great! ( tis also an AWESOME tool/ weapon to use against partners!)

So not extremely interesting but oh well!

"time turns over and things may change, you will with them... dont fret.
Cos I Can

Its been a while ;)

So... its been a while since i last wrote in here... Lifes been a bit hectic as of late. :( Poor little Miss A has the flu and has turned into a litte sook overnight! And now Miss K has an ulcer in her mouth. So life has not been fun of late.
Miss K also decided to reject breastfeeding altogether about 2 weeks ago :( so teething is fun now all off our fingers are being chewed and shes leaving pools of drool evereywhere!

The kids are my life and everything about them makes me smile! Id do anything for those two beautiful girls. Mr D has been unusually distant lately too, he had a head cold for 2 weeks straight so instead of 2 kids, i had 3... What is it about men that when they get sick they are immediately "dying"? Yet when we get sick, if we whinge once, we're "whingers" do they seriously not see how sooky whingy........ GIRLY they're being!

To be honest at the moment im not entirely sure where Mr D and i stand with each other, we never fight... (as in never) we talk things out... But lately he's been distant and not talking to me about anything... Our sex life has gone down the drain and he's been sleeping alot... Im starting to worry that he's depressed... I want to approach him about it but im not sure how he'd react... He's a very "manly"man, never really shows his emotions.

The kids simply adore him, but lately he has been appearing to feign interest when spending the little amount of time he does spend with them...

Its been killing me not knowing whats going on but im also scared that if i open pandoras box..... Well.... You know what they say...

In my absence, I did get some really cute pics though :-) And i actually managed to get a nice pic of Mr D and Miss K!




Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.
Cos I can