So the never ending life of cleaning, cooking and wiping poo off various items never ends... (I'm joking about the poo, my kids aren't into corporal punishment so they keep it in the nappy!)
Ive found out that life unfortunately isn't easy, nor is learning how to deal with certain situations...
As i am not able to find the words with my friends and family, but seem to be able to write on here freely, here goes...
I think i may have a disorder... Every time i see myself in the mirror, i feel sick... there are no words to describe how insecure i am... I'm tired of trying to talk to my friends about it, it always turns into something about them, i don't have time to see a professional to talk to them so I'm stuck sitting here thinking constantly about how i can improve myself, not only on the outside but I'm constantly struggling and setting unrealistic (so they say) expectations on myself with house work and my life in general... i cant keep doing this but i cant stop... no one wants to help me... i don't wanna ask... I'm so scared of being judged as an "attention" seeker that i just sit and think...
Thinking and think... there is an inevitable end to this cycle I'm sure... but when? please let me know that this is going to end...
I know I'm not normal, Ive never been seen as normal and Ive always strived to be a better person...
(my past is not the nicest so I'm constantly trying to make up for previous mistakes.)
My kids make me smile no matter what is happening but i cant open up to Mr D at all... men can be funny about these things and i again... don't want judgement.
I feel stupid for not being honest with those around me, i know a few would support me, but i cant handle the thought of others knowing how i feel about myself... I have all this confidence on the outside but none where it counts, i make myself sick at the thought of me naked.
I feel so lost at how to deal with this...
Sorry for the nature of the post... I really needed to vent and let these feelings out...
- cos i can
"beauty is in the eye of the beer holder"
